a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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