i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
