you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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