the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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