guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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