He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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