i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
