It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
