I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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