my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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