I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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