Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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