when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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