Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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