Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
