i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
