I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
