Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
