Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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