Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
True college students do jello shots in the library
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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