I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Randomize
