My liver just broke up with me...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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