We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
