you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
