porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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