I just cut my nipple shaving
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
