I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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