I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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