Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
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She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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