So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
