She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do herpes really smell.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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