I faked an abortion last night.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
