i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
