to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
