I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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