My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
