Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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