Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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