a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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