Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
