My nipple is on Facebook.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
