Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
