She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
