I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The best revenge is premature balding
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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