Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
