Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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