This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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