he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
