Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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