the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
