please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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