the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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