her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
