How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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