will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
