God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
