And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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