I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
