he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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