I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
