Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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