She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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