So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
