if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
