What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
